Mastering Your Emotions: An Interview of Dr Laura Ciel by Sarah Hannah

Insight into mastering your emotions in this recent interview of Dr Laura Ciel by Sarah Hannah. Learn ways of facing the difficult emotions and opening up to the joy and love in all situations.

If You Died Tomorrow…Finding Joy In A Gnarly World

February 17, 2016

“What would you regret if you died tomorrow?” my ex-husband asked me long ago when we were still married, about a month after my mother had died. It had been a sudden loss.

I was still in the process of helping my dad go through her things… her nightgown hung in the closet smelling like she was in the room, a lipstick partially uncapped, her washcloth still moist and the most heart wrenching for me… a stack of games, colors and books to share with her grandsons on the train trip that was supposed to happen the weekend after she died (Austin at 8 years old already had so many memories of time with Grammy and was excited for this next one. This was Holden’s first big trip on the train with her, having just turned 3 years old, but he knew this was special time for him).

I was barely holding it together, often not. Trying to nurse my baby girl while sobbing for the loss of my mom and my babies’ grandmother and doing my best to “be there” for the boys in their sadness and confusion. My ex’s question didn’t seem out of the ordinary at the time, but it held the power of an avalanche of change.

“What would I regret?” I asked myself as he raced off to escape the emotions flowing through me and escape the chaos of two young boys and a baby. With my mom’s sudden death, I was thrown into thoughts of mortality and with that, a sense of time on this planet being finite. Having always excelled in planning and finding order in my life, my mom’s death was a big fat punch in my face that I could not control everything.

At the time my ex asked this question, I had already begun doing a “review” of my life…looking for areas of concern and opportunities to improve. What I didn’t expect was how over the course of the next few months, my fear and anxiety subsided and a feeling of peace came over me (in contrast, my ex-husband’s fear, anxiety and desire for control increased which created tension). I took nothing for granted any longer. I made a promise to myself that no matter what it looked like, I would live each day as fully as possible so that as I went to bed each night I could have gratitude for this day and peace that I had loved and lived this gift of a day as best I could.

I had no idea what that meant (or how to do it)! I knew I wanted to live each day as fully as possible, but given a lifetime of doing what others wanted and expected of me I felt lost. I knew the feelings I wanted in my life, but no idea how to create that for me and for my family.

And thus began the journey… one of learning how to be honest with myself about what matters to me, practicing living my truth rather than trying to do what everyone else thinks I “should” do, giving up trying to “be perfect” and instead looking for the joy, fun and love right in front of me and opening my heart… sometimes little by little and other times with a leap (and a gasp)!

My journey isn’t over and neither is yours. Have you ever asked yourself this question “What would I regret if I died tomorrow?” There was a book written about the regrets of the dying (The Top Five Regrets of the Dying: A Life Transformed by the Dearly Departing by Bonnie Ware). Do you know what the top regrets were in this study? See if anyone of these resonate with you:

* I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

* I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.

* I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.

* I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

* I wish that I had let myself be happier.

When you read these, do you feel pulled to make some changes in your life? Are you at peace for where you are or do you feel pulled to journey more into what living your life full out might look like?

When my mom suddenly died, I wasn’t doing any of these. Well, at least 4 out of 5 needed some work and I didn’t’ have anyone to turn to as I focused on living my life more fully. It seemed the more I moved in that direction, the more people around me tried to pull me back to where I had been. If I were to die tomorrow, I couldn’t say I have NO regrets because there are things in my life that I wish had done differently, However, I know I have always done my best and I strive to always learn from my mistakes. But as far as my goals of living a life full of joy, fun, inner peace and love I have no regrets.

It has not been easy and it certainly has not turned out as I had planned, yet when I reflect on my life now, I KNOW I live each day as fully as possible and have gratitude for the gift of having one more day to live and love.

xx Laura

If you are curious about the details of HOW I shifted my life, my partner Bill Poett and I are hosting a FREE Life Advance webinar ” How To Manifest Anything” Thursday February 18th from 12:30 – 2:00 PT to share the process and tools to help you learn the tools and processes to live your life full out!

 

“What would you regret if you died tomorrow?” my ex-husband asked me long ago when we were still married, about a month after my mother had died. It had been a sudden loss.

I was still in the process of helping my dad go through her things… her nightgown hung in the closet smelling like she was in the room, a lipstick partially uncapped, her washcloth still moist and the most heart wrenching for me… a stack of games, colors and books to share with her grandsons on the train trip that was supposed to happen the weekend after she died (Austin at 8 years old already had so many memories of time with Grammy and was excited for this next one. This was Holden’s first big trip on the train with her, having just turned 3 years old, but he knew this was special time for him).

I was barely holding it together, often not. Trying to nurse my baby girl while sobbing for the loss of my mom and my babies’ grandmother and doing my best to “be there” for the boys in their sadness and confusion. My ex’s question didn’t seem out of the ordinary at the time, but it held the power of an avalanche of change.

“What would I regret?” I asked myself as he raced off to escape the emotions flowing through me and escape the chaos of two young boys and a baby. With my mom’s sudden death, I was thrown into thoughts of mortality and with that, a sense of time on this planet being finite. Having always excelled in planning and finding order in my life, my mom’s death was a big fat punch in my face that I could not control everything.

At the time my ex asked this question, I had already begun doing a “review” of my life…looking for areas of concern and opportunities to improve. What I didn’t expect was how over the course of the next few months, my fear and anxiety subsided and a feeling of peace came over me (in contrast, my ex-husband’s fear, anxiety and desire for control increased which created tension). I took nothing for granted any longer. I made a promise to myself that no matter what it looked like, I would live each day as fully as possible so that as I went to bed each night I could have gratitude for this day and peace that I had loved and lived this gift of a day as best I could.

I had no idea what that meant (or how to do it)! I knew I wanted to live each day as fully as possible, but given a lifetime of doing what others wanted and expected of me I felt lost. I knew the feelings I wanted in my life, but no idea how to create that for me and for my family.

And thus began the journey… one of learning how to be honest with myself about what matters to me, practicing living my truth rather than trying to do what everyone else thinks I “should” do, giving up trying to “be perfect” and instead looking for the joy, fun and love right in front of me and opening my heart… sometimes little by little and other times with a leap (and a gasp)!

My journey isn’t over and neither is yours. Have you ever asked yourself this question “What would I regret if I died tomorrow?” There was a book written about the regrets of the dying (The Top Five Regrets of the Dying: A Life Transformed by the Dearly Departing by Bonnie Ware). Do you know what the top regrets were in this study? See if anyone of these resonate with you:

* I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

* I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.

* I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.

* I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

* I wish that I had let myself be happier.

When you read these, do you feel pulled to make some changes in your life? Are you at peace for where you are or do you feel pulled to journey more into what living your life full out might look like?

When my mom suddenly died, I wasn’t doing any of these. Well, at least 4 out of 5 needed some work and I didn’t’ have anyone to turn to as I focused on living my life more fully. It seemed the more I moved in that direction, the more people around me tried to pull me back to where I had been. If I were to die tomorrow, I couldn’t say I have NO regrets because there are things in my life that I wish had done differently, However, I know I have always done my best and I strive to always learn from my mistakes. But as far as my goals of living a life full of joy, fun, inner peace and love I have no regrets.

It has not been easy and it certainly has not turned out as I had planned, yet when I reflect on my life now, I KNOW I live each day as fully as possible and have gratitude for the gift of having one more day to live and love.

xx Laura

If you are curious about the details of HOW I shifted my life, my partner Bill Poett and I are hosting a FREE Life Advance webinar ” How To Manifest Anything” Thursday February 18th from 12:30 – 2:00 PT to share the process and tools to help you learn the tools and processes to live your life full out!

 
- See more at: http://billpoettnow.com/if-you-died-tomorrow-finding-joy-in-a-gnarly-world/#sthash.JXYgnMTD.dpuf

 

I Started to Feel Like I Didn’t Belong…

February 05, 2016

When I was young, I was curious about the world and I wanted to “help hearts”. I didn’t’ know how and I didn’t really know what that meant, but I would be so moved by the idea that someone on the other side of the world was living a life and I wanted to “know” them and I wanted them to “know” me…I wanted to connect and I wanted to share. It kept me up at night…and so it kept my mom up at night. “How do they know we are here?” What is our life for?” “People can’t just be born and then die, without anything else. Right mom?” I remember feeling so lonely in my world. I couldn’t find someone who understood what I was trying to say. I started to feel like I didn’t belong.

Then I started learning about school and how the teachers “like” you if you do well. I learned how to learn very well. I don’t know what my young mind was thinking at the time, I just know that I was focused on “doing life” well. It became all about the grades. That, combined with a teacher telling me I wasn’t creative or artistic pretty much shifted my world to one of tangible results, like grades and benchmark accomplishments. My passion for the world became partially buried as I learned how to “fit in” and “do well.”

When I was about 12 years old, I remember I wanted to live in another country, speak another language and learn how another culture lives. My parents didn’t have a lot of extra money and family trips involved a station wagon, camping gear, a camp stove, a cooler and a lot of miles. Friends thought I was silly and my parents couldn’t see a way to make it happen. Yet… I could see it already happening. I stopped telling people who seemed not to understand and I focused on making it happen.

At first I thought my dream had come true when out of the blue a family in Mexico contacted my Spanish teacher looking for an exchange with a family with a young daughter. I set everything up (with the help of my beloved teacher) and begged my parents to let me go. In this era before cell phones and computers, we set up a flight by talking with the family in Mexico. They were to pick me in Mexico City. I would be alone. The night before I was to leave, we called to confirm and they said they could no longer do it. My dream was crushed, momentarily...

For Christmas a couple of years later, my dad gave me a huge book of colleges in the US (I love you, Dad!). I was determined to find a college that would allow me to live in another country, study in another language and have this not cost my parents anything extra besides the plane trip (which I would ask for as a birthday/Christmas present).

I applied to one college, UCLA, because it offered a yearlong education abroad program requiring full matriculation into a French university. It was a magical day when I hugged my family goodbye and got on an airplane to Europe for the first time in my life, alone. I had seen it happen years before, in my imagination. It was only a matter of putting the most powerful plan in place to have the tangible reality in front of me.

I was so passionate about my dream of living and studying in another world that events aligned around bringing this reality into my life. I wish I could say these dreams always worked out that way: Focus on my dream, figure out a plan and execute it… then live it. Unfortunately, life doesn’t always happen that way.

My dream of being married and creating a loving beautiful family didn’t go as expected. I guess I didn’t spend enough time going over the plan (or I just ignored the red flags that pointed in a different direction) My husband, at the time, had a different vision (or plan), one that was more rigid, less loving, less fun and less peaceful than mine. On the outside it all “looked good”, inside we were all dying day by day…After 20 years, it was clear we had different dreams of what marriage and family looked like. The pain of this realization hits hard and deep. It took years for me to accept it and to learn the lessons I needed to create the love I always dreamed of (more on that in our free Love Advance Webinar…)

Given my education, my training, my client results and my own personal experience I know that life doesn’t always go according to plan and I also know that disregarding the values and passions that are so important to you is never the answer. The answer is in clearly acknowledging what is NOT in your control and letting that go, while simultaneously clarifying what IS in your control and finding the plan that allows you to live your dreams, your passions, your values as beautifully as possible!

This is my dream, to help you heal your heart and live your life fully.

xx Laura

If this writing inspires you or makes you curious, please signup for our free Love Advance webinar to learn more about opening your heart! 

 

 

 

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