It’s still early in the New Year, but you may already feel like things are not changing. Especially in your relationships.
And you have no idea what to do to make all your relationships better.
With so much negativity and heartache, it sometimes feels like no matter what you do or no matter how hard you try, everything just stays the same… or gets worse.
So what can you do?
Change your mindset
What exactly do I mean by that?
Consider this. How many times at work or at home, do you wish and hope that someone else would just change?
Maybe you wish they would do something differently or talk to you in a different way?
Or, How often do you find yourself judging or blaming someone else for a disagreement, argument or even a fight? You might say nothing to them, but it is that internal voice saying “He’s so rude!” or “She’s so ridiculous” or “I hate him!” or so many other unkind words that keeps you spinning in this critical place.
If only they would change their bad habits or patterns, be nicer or kinder or more loving to you, then things would be better. Right?
Not really. They will probably continue being the way they have been in the past. And it won’t help to make all your relationships better.
Why does this thinking get you into trouble?
First of all, you have NO control over anyone else’s thoughts, words or actions. Second, because you have no control over anyone else, any and every time you start judging or blaming someone or just plain hoping or expecting them to act a certain way, you give all of your power away to them.
And that does not feel good.
Regain your Power
So, what is this #1 action you can take TODAY, to make all your relationships better?
Bring all your power back to you and realize and accept that it all starts with you!
What does this mean? (keep reading…)
(This article was orignially written for Live Purposefully Now)
Happy New Year! What's in store for you in 2018?
I hope lots of good stuff!
I just completed my first co authored book with William Poett and you can get a FREE copy of the ebook for a limited time!
The quality of your relationships holds the key to experiencing either heaven or hell on earth.
Unhealthy, codependent and generally toxic relationships negatively impact all areas of your life from your most intimate moments to how you show up at work and in your community.
Even though these unhealthy relationships can feel really bad, most people don’t realize that they have the power to change them. They waste valuable time, energy and money repeating the same unhealthy patterns month after month, year after year with stress, anxiety, overwhelm and depression often building to extremely high levels.
Imagine being trapped in an endless loop interacting in the same unhealthy ways, while getting frustrated, irritated and often angry that the other people in your life (from your partner to other drivers on the road) just don’t change. Even if most areas of your life are good, there might be that one relationship that always creates more pain and suffering in your life.
How do you get out of this loop? You boost your emotional intelligence so that you have the confidence you need to build and sustain empowering co-creative relationships.
Consistently building empowering co-creative partnerships from the bedroom to the boardroom not only feels good and is fun, it frees up precious time, energy and money to focus on the things that really do matter to you such as falling in love, securing financial abundance and positively impacting the world.
In this breakthrough book Rock Solid: From the Bedroom to the Boardroom, we have distilled over 50 years of combined research and experience in the fields of human performance and emotional intelligence. With my training and experience as a clinical psychologist working in hospitals, companies and with individuals facing challenging transitions and Bill’s experience as a close quarter combat instructor working with members of elite teams we have lots of direct experience around some of the best and worst relationships in the most extreme environments.
In this fun, easy to read book you can quickly grasp how to boost your emotional intelligence and begin creating more empowering and co-creative relationships. We will walk you through a simple four step process that you can begin using immediately. You will understand the power of this process, gain confidence in your ability to co-create and begin enjoying the freedom and ease of creating Rock Solid Relationships in every area of your life.
The most empowering takeaway from this book is that it begins with you. You will recognize that using this four step Rock Solid Process will allow you to show up in life as your very best self and begin immediately experiencing the love, success, abundance and positive impact you have always dreamed off.
Please take advantage of this FREE offer, read it and tell me what you notice.
Have you ever wondered why you haven't experienced the joy and success you imagine?
...Or maybe you start to experience it and then it seems that everything just goes back to the way it was before?
(Today's blog is an excerpt from one Bill Poett and I co-created for our Mindful Creators Club members, I hope you enjoy it too)
If you are reading this I know you want a little more in your life... maybe a little more joy or a little more fun, a little more success or a little more love! Maybe you want a LOT more of these things... but something always seems to get in your way.
Ever feel like you are running around trying to "deal with" headaches and problems all around you? Or maybe you start the day off feeling good, but you get upset about something that someone said or did on social media, in the news or on the road or in a store and it throws your whole day off?
Or perhaps you leave a social gathering, a meeting or dinner feeling like the energy has been sucked out of you and you feel heavy and tired...
Why is that?
ROAD BLOCK #5
STAYING IN REACTION
You've heard the expression "you are what you eat". Did you know that over time you succeed or fail based on the thoughts, people and things you focus on? Einstein proved that 99.999999% of the universe is made up of energy and space, yet most of us have developed the habit of reacting to the physical stuff in front of us (0.00001% of all that is). This is why nothing seems to change.
If energy is almost 100% of what is... you can see why this road block may be messing with your capacity to reach your dreams. Reacting to what is around and in front of you that you don't like or even spending time in situations that don't feel good is taking away energy from all the good yummy stuff that you really want. Everyone does this at times... sometimes something just is so surprising or emotionally charged that we react immediately. The key is to move out of REACTION and into MINDFUL ACTION.
HOW TO OVERCOME THE ROADBLOCK?
The most joyful men and women, MINDFUL CREATORS, learn how to connect with, protect and use the energy within and around them by learning how to pause. Just when the world seems so chaotic that you can't imagine pausing for 10 seconds is exactly when it will most serve you.
You can start doing this right now. When you start to feel heavy, stressed, scared or overwhelmed take a few moments to pause. Deepen and lengthen your breaths while connecting to what really matters in your heart. We go into details about how to do this in the Academy for those who get stuck on this roadblock, but give it your best shot today and see what shifts for you!
Old patterns and habits are sticky, taking up lots of energy and holding you back from what you really yearn for. Finding JOYFUL PAUSES sounds like a good idea, but often bringing this into a natural habit can be challenging. One of the first things our Mindful Creators Academy (the Lifetime training Academy that I co-created with Bill Poett) team members learn when they join is that they are not alone on this journey.
Energy is contagious and surrounding yourself with a community that supports you in your journey is huge. One of the things our team loves most about the Academy is the fact that the moment you join, you are connected to a highly engaged, respectful, loving and supportive tribe.
You are not alone. Finding yourself falling back into reactivity? Looking for ways to create more "joyful pauses"? In addition to all the training you receive in the Academy that trains you in this process, you get great insights and inspirations from others in the community. How awesome is that?
However, even if you are not ready to join the Mindful Creators Academy, you can do this on your own... it might take a bit more focus and a bit more time, but you can. Just begin by noticing when you feel stressed, overwhelmed, irritable and/or anxious. Then, give yourself a moment to pause and breathe more slowly. Then, think of something you love and/or something that you are grateful for. Then, decide what you need to do next. That's it! If you do that every time, you will start to shift our of reaction and into more joyful action!
Or maybe you already have a practice that works great for you. Share it! And share what shifts as you do this more mindfully in your life.
Dr Laura & Bill
PS: Go the the EVENTS page to check out training possibilities